the tiger hunts in dence grass,
waiting to pounce,
a small antellope is her prey,
she pounces on the antellope,
the antellope is dead,
she drags her prey back to her den and feeds it to her playful cub,
then goes out to hunt more,
a farmer waits in dence grass,
with a gun in hand,
he waits and aims...
BANG,
the tiger is dead.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I have to agree with Brad. It's thrown together. You could do so many things with this, though...if you put your mind to it. The end is dramatic, and predictable. There are several typos. It doesn't read as a poem. =/
You're thinking of lions, my dear. Tigers don't have many cubs, don't hunt antelope, and the terrain isn't just tall grass -- they live in the jungle also.
Research your subject before writing, please. And listen to BFG. BFG's right about this.
It's good that you feel passionate about something, and have the urge to express it, but remember that a little research also never hurt (tigers eat Sambar deer, wild pigs, water buffalo and gaur, not antelope, and farmers would only kill them if they were eating livestock or people, which only old or sick tigers do), especially if you're relaying something you've never experienced first hand. It's clear that you feel strongly about this issue (and I agree that it's a problem), but don't forget that you're trying to communicate your feelings to other people, and that this is the essence of writing. Hold on these emotions, they're a good starting place; the poem just needs a little fixing-up around the edges.
This isnt junk so dont throw it out *Looks at comment above* It made me feel sad, but i think that your work is very different and i really like it.
Soldier boy jack,
You've used the whole Sarenghetti and left a blob on the paper. You've neglected to proofread your work (os dead<), and have not succeeded in connecting the death and the cause in any meaningful way.
"farmers?" Get serious.
This is junk. Throw it out.
Best,
Brad
This poem has a heartful meaning, but I don't think you expressed it in a way that really suits the purpose. I love tigers, and I know that most of them are dead, but so is your grammar. The first letter of a sentance is supposed to be a capital, and some of the words are spelt a bit wrong, but you can easily work on that.
RR*
this is sadly what is happening to the beutiful tigers and i just wanted to write it down to see what people think its sad and unkind but its really happening it has to stop! STOP HUNTING TIGERS!!!